Better than Breakfast

"What goes together with Sunday morning church better than a pancake the size of North Dakota? Nothing, that's what."

-Dan Marotta

OK, I have a few thoughts to share about the above quoted question by my co-worker Dan.

I actually can think of something that goes better with Sunday morning church than a state-sized pancake (if your gonna pick a state, at least pick Louisiana. It looks like an "L," like my name!). Only one thing, in fact, is much much more awesome than an enormous pancake. I'm sure you know what it is. It's so obvious. That's right folks: Fighter Jets!!



I realize I am a boy and am writing from a boy's point of view, but I am confident that after reading this, anyone will be convinced that Fighter Jets are the coolest things in the world. Nothing fulfills the manly desires for speed, power, and stealthy maneuverability better than the F-22 Raptor.

Cooking a pancake is pretty fast. Let's say an average pancake takes 3 minutes to cook. Now, let's compare that to the F-22 Raptor. The F-22 can fly at 1,500 mph. At that speed, it could fly over the entire state of North Dakota in slightly over 13 minutes, about the time it takes to cook 4 pancakes. So as far as speed goes, Fighter Jets clearly dominate pancakes.

Let's move to power. F-22, with 2 jet engines punching out 35,000 pounds of thrust each, can lift around 40,000 lbs of weight in addition to it's own weight. The tensile strength of the average pancake is probably around 2 lbs. That means, if you attached 2 pounds of weight to a pancake and held up the other end, it would stay together. Not much of a comparison, is it? Incidentally, it would only take around 2,500 F-22s to lift every resident of North Dakota off the ground.

I think I've proved my point. It doesn't seem necessary to go into how much more stealthy and maneuverable Fighter Jets are than pancakes the size of any of the great States of this country. I am confident that with the proper training, laser-eye surgery, and a presidential endorsement, I might one day become a fighter pilot. Until that day, I'll be down stairs on Sunday mornings gaping in awe as Dan Marotta flips enormous pancakes up in the air, and onto the plates of smiling children.