Test Drive

OK, so I have this great friend named Tripp Purks. He sent me an email on Tuesday about this promo fundraiser that BMW does to raise money and awareness for breast cancer and to promote their cars. You get to drive any BMW model you want and they donate one dollar for each mile you drive. We arrived at 9am on Thursday, signed the "you break it you buy it" form, and settled into a brand-new BMW 328ci. It was amazing. I drive a Nissan XTerra, which is a cool car with a small engine: about 170 horse power. The 328 has 300hp and is much smaller with a tight sporty suspension. Needless to say, when you tell it to go... It Goes!! For the sake of decency I will refrain from telling you how fast I got that thing up to, or how quickly it arrived at that undisclosed speed, but I will tell you that it was incredibly exhilarating. Now here me when I say that I am not going to buy this car, and I don't even really recommend that anyone else go and buy this car. All I am saying is that it was really fun to drive. Tripp was in the passenger seat, messing around with the hi-tech digital display for navigation, music, etc. We cranked the music on the amazing speakers and rocketed around the back-roads outside of Charlottesville, wishing the rain would go away so we could really push it. We did a 14-mile lope and parked back in the dealership parking lot.

Next, Tripp says, "Is there a Z series available?" The next thing I know we are squeezing into the doors of a Z4, the top-line BMW sports coupe. It was amazing. The speed on that thing was scary. In most cars, you can tell what the limits of the care are, but in this thing, our emotional and physical limit was reached while the actual performance limits were not even within sight. Tripp demonstrated driving skills worthy of a participant in the 24-hour Le Mans race in France.

I guess I don't really have a point other than to say that Driving nice cars is really fun. I'm also considering getting a rocket-engine booster for the back of my XTerra, so I can have batman-like acceleration.

Office Decorations

Well, let me first apologize to all my many many many readers who have wondered where my blogs have gone for the past three weeks. I am back. I further Apologize that I don't have a catchy rhyming saying for being back like some recent presidential candidates.

So here is the new news (whoa) in my Life: Wait a second. Doesn't "news" by definition mean that it is info that is new? So what about the term "old news?" Apparently that is completely meaningless. It's like saying, "the color purple... that's not really purple but instead is orange."

Anyways, I digress. The news in my life is that this morning I finally started decorating my office. My first day of work was August first, so it has been a while. I'm trying to calculate how many days I have been working at Trinity Presbyterian Church, but that is beyond my abilities at the present.

As you can see from the picture above, the first thing to go up on my wall was a huge University of Tennessee (Rocky Top!!) flag. I know what you are thinking. You are thinking, "Hey Lewis. Isn't Tennessee really terrible this year? I Mean aren't they the worst team in the SEC. I mean, didn't they just loose their homecoming game to Wyoming?" To those people I have this to say: SHUT YOUR YAPPER! You know and I know that we'll be back. Then we'll say, "The Rocky Top Attack is Back!" Or something like that. Maybe, "The Vols have undissolved!" Or, "Tennessee is the returnee!" You get the picture. Back to my office.

It sort of feels a little more like home now. I have pictures of my wife, my family and friends, some beautiful places I've been, etc. It reminds me where I've been. It also takes my mind off the color of the paint on my office walls. You probably noticed in the picture that my bright orange flag sort of dissolves into the wall. That's because my walls are painted "papaya." Like the fruit, only an office color, and not a delicious food.

Rainy Day Reflection

I'm sitting in a coffee shop in Lexington, VA right now, two rainy blocks away from the campus of Washington and Lee University, where my wife is presenting and interviewing students who are thinking about going into teaching.

At the first coffee shop I tried, I sat next t a family of 5, with loud children, and a college sophomore who was playing loud youtube videos. I was trying to work on a sunday school lesson, and have come to this conclusion. People who play loud music or videos on their laptops in public work areas should have their toenails ripped off. OK so maybe that's a little harsh, but let's be real, she was way out of line. Now, I have moved to the Daily Grind, which has inferior coffee, but a much quieter atmosphere.

Although I started my time studying Exodus 1-4, I have started thinking a lot about community, a major topic in my house right now. Maggie nd I are relizing that marriage cannot be a replacement for authentic community and fellowship. I know I know... duh. For obvious reasons, I guess, as newly weds, we have neglected to reach out to our closest friends to walk through this time with us. It's as if we think that we can do it on our own or something. Marriage has been a truly sweet thing for us, but the truth is that we don't really have any idea what we are doing. I think I need my friends to know my heart now more than ever. A lot is at stake. Here's my point. If you know someone who get's married, don't let this thought happen: "Oh well. We won't see thosw two for six months, so I'm not gonna bother them. After all, they are newly weds, and they just want to be with eachother." Even if that is what they want, I am telling you that it is not what they need. They need their friends to gather around them in prayer, and to challenge them more than ever. Love your friends.

I think I'll drink some Apple Cider...

Haikus about Dan Marotta

Banana pudding
Dan should use it as hair gel
He won't look sixteen



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To spell Marotta
Like Climbing Mount Everest
Strenuous training



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Cool Chaco footwear
Dan crosses mighty rivers
Comfy and no slip

Prayer in Iraq

I watched a show last night called "God's Soldier." It was about an Army chaplain in a battalion stationed in a very dangerous part of Northern Iraq. It was the most fascinating thing I have seen in a long time. This is a guy who's full time job, as a soldier, is to counsel, befriend, comfort, and lead in worship soldiers who are patrolling Iraqi towns and villages where insurgents are hiding. He talks to soldiers about their relationships with their wives back home. He talks to them about faith and teaches them from the Bible and services in his tent, and at various military outposts. One of the things he encounters is questions about God and war. One question is, "how does God allow war to happen?" The other big one is, "If I am a Christian, is it OK for me to shoot and kill the enemy?"

The second question is evidently on the minds of many soldiers, which is great comfort to me. It is encouraging to know that American soldiers are trying to follow a moral code for war. The Bible talks about a time for everything, including War. Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8 :

There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heavenC
² A time to give birth, and a time to die; A time to plant, and a time to uproot what is planted.
³ A time to kill, and a time to heal; A time to tear down, and a time to build up.
⁴ A time to weep, and a time to laugh; A time to mourn, and a time to dance.
⁵ A time to throw stones, and a time to gather stones; A time to embrace, and a time to shun embracing.
⁶ A time to search, and a time to give up as lost; A time to keep, and a time to throw away.
⁷ A time to tear apart, and a time to sew together; A time to be silent, and a time to speak.
⁸ A time to love, and a time to hate; A time for war, and a time for peace.

The Chaplain used this verse, in a sermon, to encourage Soldiers that, if they are fighting the enemy, it is their duty to fight and to kill. This war is a time like in the verse above. It is a time for war. Overall, the show was incredibly uplifting. This chaplain is leading soldiers in prayer, even as they see their friends killed every day. He seemed like a very Godly man and a blessing to the soldiers around him. Here is my question: Who's call are they following, God's, or Americas, and can we assume they are the same? I think it is very important to differentiate between God and America in situations like this. America is a great nation, but it is not God's nation. America is proud to be a democracy, so it is the people's nation. We must remember that Israel was a theocracy, the nation of God. We cannot act like living in America is the same as living in God's nation. I am very very thankful to have a president who prays, but the truth is that America's direction and leadership does not equal God's direction and leadership.

I hope I don't sound too cynical here. If you hear about this show, "God's Soldier," please check it out. My best guess is that God loves that chaplains are speaking the Word of God to those Americans who have been entrusted with the deadly responsibility of fighting wars. I'm reminded to pray for our soldiers and their hearts as they encounter death, destruction, and hatred in a way I never have. I also now pray for the men and women whose job it is to try and morally and spiritually guide our friends, brothers and sisters, and sons and daughters, fighting around the world.

Space Travel

Let's be honest. We've all thought about it. Whether or not you watched the broadcasts from the Apollo missions or were fascinated by sci-movies like Space Camp (A classic film about a group of campers who are accidentally launched into space during a visit to the space shuttle) Everyone has gone to bed dreaming about the elusive sensation of floating in zero gravity. The problem is, unless you are one of the best pilots in the world, have perfect vision, a perfect body, and graduated from Harvard with an engineering degree, you have no chance of ever becoming an astronaut. That was then... This is Now! I present, Virgin Galactic Airways:




Founded by British Billionaire Richard Bransen, Virgin Galactic is the first ever commercial space travel company. All it takes is a dream, some free time, and $200,000. As early as 2009, passengers will enjoy an exciting ride, and about 2 hours of zero-G time in space.

So What...

So What?! Are you kidding me? This is spectacular, a dream come true for those of us who have been dreaming of somersaulting across the cabin with a view of the Earth outside the window. I have compiled a list of things I think would be funny to play with in a zero-gravity environment:

1. a yo yo

2. a 400lb dumbell (i want video of me doing bicep curls with it so I can impress my wife

3. a squeeze bottle of coca-cola, so i can give someone a drink from across the room

4. a frisbee. Think of the distance you could achieve if there was enough room

5. break dancing. Just think of the move you could do in zero-g

Better than Breakfast

"What goes together with Sunday morning church better than a pancake the size of North Dakota? Nothing, that's what."

-Dan Marotta

OK, I have a few thoughts to share about the above quoted question by my co-worker Dan.

I actually can think of something that goes better with Sunday morning church than a state-sized pancake (if your gonna pick a state, at least pick Louisiana. It looks like an "L," like my name!). Only one thing, in fact, is much much more awesome than an enormous pancake. I'm sure you know what it is. It's so obvious. That's right folks: Fighter Jets!!



I realize I am a boy and am writing from a boy's point of view, but I am confident that after reading this, anyone will be convinced that Fighter Jets are the coolest things in the world. Nothing fulfills the manly desires for speed, power, and stealthy maneuverability better than the F-22 Raptor.

Cooking a pancake is pretty fast. Let's say an average pancake takes 3 minutes to cook. Now, let's compare that to the F-22 Raptor. The F-22 can fly at 1,500 mph. At that speed, it could fly over the entire state of North Dakota in slightly over 13 minutes, about the time it takes to cook 4 pancakes. So as far as speed goes, Fighter Jets clearly dominate pancakes.

Let's move to power. F-22, with 2 jet engines punching out 35,000 pounds of thrust each, can lift around 40,000 lbs of weight in addition to it's own weight. The tensile strength of the average pancake is probably around 2 lbs. That means, if you attached 2 pounds of weight to a pancake and held up the other end, it would stay together. Not much of a comparison, is it? Incidentally, it would only take around 2,500 F-22s to lift every resident of North Dakota off the ground.

I think I've proved my point. It doesn't seem necessary to go into how much more stealthy and maneuverable Fighter Jets are than pancakes the size of any of the great States of this country. I am confident that with the proper training, laser-eye surgery, and a presidential endorsement, I might one day become a fighter pilot. Until that day, I'll be down stairs on Sunday mornings gaping in awe as Dan Marotta flips enormous pancakes up in the air, and onto the plates of smiling children.

Top 10 Things I Don't Know

1. How to spell Dan "Marotta's" name. In my head I now say, Mare-Otta.

2. What actually happened with the Dinosaurs. Were they real? If so, what happened to them? Why doesn't the Bible mention them?

3. Why some people have back hair and others do not (I totally don't... cough cough).

4. The secret recipe to the Coca-Cola formula.

5. How Michael Phelps is able to completely dominate with such ease.

6. If I prefer crunchy or creamy peanut butter. It really seems like a game-time decision to me

7. What super-power I would choose if I could pick. I tend towards flying... let's be real, that would be incredible, but I think teleporting would actually be more useful... Did you see X-Men 2... Night Crawler was out of control.

8. If I will ever have an afro again - Greg Thompson says yes, but my wife is not too sure about it.

9. What actor would play me in a movie about my life... if Brad Pitt was unable to do it.

10. OK, if you know Ben or Kyle Hammill, they do this noise with their fingers that is unbelievable. I know what you're thinking, and it's not the finger snap thing, this is something totally new. How the heck do they do that.

FEAR

One of the things adults think about the kids is that although they seem to be cool and confident, they are actually insecure about basically everything. Insecure about what they wear, what their bodies look like, how smart they are, how athletic they are, who their friends are, what kind of music they like... basically everything. Most adults are convinced they most of the things kids do is motivated by these insecurities.

One of the reasons adults know this, is that once, long ago when ice covered vast parts of North America, they were a teenager themselves. I'm 23 years old and married with a steady job. By all definitions, I'm practically as adult as they come (break while I vomit). Guess what motivated me when I was in middle school and high school... Surprise surprise, it was my own armada of steadily attacking insecurities. I cared a lot about how my arms looked in my football jersey on Fridays. I cared a lot that Jessica Zulick flirted with me in math class. I was too afraid to dance to anything but a slow song at middle-school dances, and then when a slow song came on, I was terrified to actually ask a girl to dance. In fact, I would have rather dived into a swimming pool filled with shards of broke glass than risk being rejected by one of the 3 girls I thought might really say yes to me. Until I hit a growth spurt in 7th grade, I was a chubby kid, and I HATED that. I thought about the fact that I was heavy every single day. Here's my question: When are you supposed to grow out of that? Is that what being a "grown-up" means? I don't think so.

Kids also think a lot of different things about "grown-ups." They mostly have these thoughts in reference to their parents. They may think their parents are stupid and uncool and clueless and embarrassing, but they generally believe that their parents are pretty capable at living life, and that they pretty much know what to do about stuff.

I'm going to make a confession on behalf of the "grown-ups." If we're honest, we are still living in light of our insecurities. We just don't call them that anymore. We call it fear. So I just took over as a Middle School Ministry Director. I'm afraid. I'm afraid that the ideas I have won't work. I'm afraid that students won't care what I have to say and won't want to hang out with me. I'm afraid of the opinions other people have about how good of a job I'm doing. I know that if I let myself, everything I did in my job would be motivated by these fears.

I think one of my problems is that I think about things in terms of myself, as opposed to the Truth: I am living in the Kingdom of God, and the king, Jesus Christ is for me.

I read Romans 8 this morning. It is a powerful and rich chapter. One line stood out to me as I thought about how to deal with the fears I have. "If God is for us, who can be against?" (Rom 8 :31). I wonder what my life would look like if I believed that all the time. It means that the one person who's opinion matters is completely behind me. It means that my acceptance is NOT BASED ON HOW GOOD I AM, or how good of a job I do. It is based on the Truth that The Lord Almighty, the one who breathes the stars into existence, has adopted me as a son, and loves me because I am his (also from Romans 8. check out verses 14-17). That is crazy to me. It makes no sense. It is the wonderful news that frees me from my fears. I really believe this: Nothing else but Jesus can accomplish this.

Life is Crazy

So, Life is pretty crazy. I've been married for about a month to a beautiful woman named Maggie, I just started a new job as the Middle School Director at Trinity Pres Church in C'ville, and I have a crazy-itchy mosquito bite behind my left knee. I had a friend named Andre who called them "moquitos." I think that's hilarious, but sometimes people think I'm a little childish...

Today, we had a Salsa party in my office at church. It was a little confusing, because some people brought salsa and chips, and others came in to salsa dance. The truth is, the party was intentionally a double-salsa themed party. I recruited my friend Ellen to make Guacamole, and had my Afro-Cuban Allstars CD playing when people arrived. Katie P generously used my white board to make a "welcome to the salsa party" sign. Mark Hutton did not come to the Salsa Party, so it will be my goal to get him in hear next week... yes, it is a new weekly tradition. Bring your friends.

One final note. Many of you who read this may also read Dan Moratta's Blog. Let's just all be honest about where the real party is. That's all I'm saying...